


As The Clock Turns

by kiyala



Category: Show By Rock!! - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred, Self-cest, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: Some things can't be changed but at the very least, Shuuzo can make sure that he's prepared.





	

There's a good reason for everything Shuuzo does. For why the clock arms on his guitar only ever move forward. For why he cares so much about time in the first place.

For why he refuses to think of Rom when he has his guitar in his arms. It's a name that doesn't belong here, not with this music, not with this guitar, not at this point in time.

Despite some of the rumours that might be circulating about him, however, Shuuzo isn't quite as mechanical as he tries to be. He isn't always good at stopping his mind from wandering. The twins don't know; they don't need to hear the songs Shuuzo has written about Rom—not the angry ones and not the soft and sad ones, either. As far as Shuuzo is concerned, nobody needs to know about them.

It always happens without him quite meaning to, without him even thinking about it. Shuuzo will be sitting in his vast penthouse, guitar in his lap as he looks out at MIDI City sprawling out in front of him. His fingers will pick out a melody that feels familiar to him before he can fully realise why and by that point, it's too late to stop himself. He can't hold back the lyrics that go with the music, or the thoughts of Rom, of a time that he hasn't managed to leave behind him as well as he'd like. 

He only expects to wallow in nostalgia for a moment before he snaps out of it. He's used to this, as much as he would never admit it. He knows how it goes.

Or so he thinks. Tonight, the universe has different plans for him.

His fingers falter on his guitar strings when he realises that the clock face is moving. More importantly, it's going backwards; something it isn't designed to do at all. He frowns down at it and when he looks back up, there's a glowing rift in front of him, as if there's a tear in the very fabric of the universe. 

Shuuzo knows better than to go anywhere near it. Until he sees what's on the other side.

The rift is acting like a window into another dimension, into another time. He sees himself, but younger. His hair is dark, his smile is open and genuine in a way that he hasn't let anyone see for years.

The younger version of himself isn't alone. Shuuzo's eyes widen when he sees Rom too, also younger, happier, his forehead free of the frown lines that Shuuzo can't help but notice these days. 

Through a small tear in the universe, Shuuzo watches himself standing in their old practice studio, kissing Rom like nothing in the world matters. His stomach twists unpleasantly as he realises that he knows this exact point in time. He remembers the excitement and nerves that came before Amatelast faced one of their most popular rivals in a battle of the bands.

He remembers the victory that followed, and the way it made him hunger for more. He remembers how it set him on the path to where he is now.

The years that have passed since then have dulled the memory. He doesn't remember looking at Rom the way his younger self is. He remembers Rom meaning the world to him, but he's forgotten just how that felt. It starts to come back to him, watching the way they smile at each other, not pulling entirely apart, drawing each other back in for another lingering kiss. 

It hurts to watch, more than Shuuzo ever would have expected. He sits there, watching on, until Rom leaves with another parting kiss. Shuuzo's younger self is smiling, touching the tips of his fingers to his lips, and Shuuzo heaves a sigh that makes his chest ache.

Setting his guitar down, he gets to his feet and walks over to the rift. It doesn't entirely feel solid when he touches the edges, but it opens wider for him, letting him through. 

Passing through the rift is an unpleasant sensation. Shuuzo is overloaded by the feeling of _wrongness_ , but he's had experience working through even worse emotions before. He doesn't let it stop him.

His younger self turns to him the moment he comes out on the other side, freezing up with surprise. 

"Shuu," Shuuzo greets with a small smile, watching as those familiar blue eyes go wide with recognition.

"What…" Shuu stares at him with open shock, and even when he tries to school his features into something unreadable, he's still too transparent. Shuuzo isn't prepared for the way it makes his chest clench up, but at least _he_ can hide it. "What's going on? Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"You don't need to ask who I am," Shuuzo replies. "You know."

Shuu frowns. "I know, but it doesn't make sense. You're… me, but you're too different."

"I'm older." Shuuzo answers the question Shuu isn't putting into words. "I'm you, from the future."

It makes Shuu frown harder and, of all things, he looks disappointed. It catches Shuuzo off guard, cutting deeper than he's prepared for. "…How tacky."

Shuuzo laughs quietly to cover up just how offended he is, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm more popular than you could ever dream of being, Shuuzo."

Shuu scowls. "That's not my name. I hate that name."

Shuuzo shrugs. "Maybe. You'll get over it."

"Why the hell did I decide to go _blond_? Don't tell me Rom decided to dye his hair black."

The statement throws Shuuzo off. The immediate assumption that he and Rom are still together when they're barely on speaking terms isn't something Shuuzo knows how to deal with. He doesn't mind telling Shuu about the fame that awaits him, but talking about Rom is a different matter entirely.

He doesn't know what his expression gives away, but Shuu clearly knows himself well enough to read enough into it. His shoulders drop, and he immediately looks concerned. 

"What's wrong?" Shuu demands. "What happens to Rom? Is he okay? Don't tell me he left the band—no, he'd never do that. He wouldn't leave unless he didn't have a choice. Did he injure himself? Was it because of his job? I need to warn him—"

" _Shuu_ ," Shuuzo interrupts sharply. "Shut up. He didn't go anywhere. Of course he wouldn't go anywhere."

It takes Shuu a moment to process this. Shuuzo watches it happen; Shuu's eyes going wide, then narrowing and filling with anger. Shuuzo is already expecting the punch when Shuu throws it, and doesn't even try to dodge. Shuu grabs him by the collar and punches him again. 

"You left him," Shuu snarls. " _Fuck you_. Why would you? How could you?"

Tipping his head back, Shuuzo exhales loudly through his nose. "You're angry with me because you know exactly why and how. You know me, Shuu, but I know you better. I know you don't want it to happen, but it's not going to change a damn thing." 

Shuu grits his teeth together. "I hope he punched you, harder than he's ever punched anyone before."

With a humourless smile, Shuuzo shakes his head. "Of course not. He couldn't bring himself to. He couldn't do anything."

" _I fucking hate you_."

Shuuzo barks out a laugh. "You'll get over that, too."

"Really?" Shuu narrows his eyes, scowling at him. "Because I'm looking at you right now and I'm not exactly convinced that's true."

"That's enough," Shuuzo sighs, shaking his head. "I understand how you feel. Of course I do. But you couldn't hurt my feelings even if you _tried_ , Shuu."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Shuu replies, folding his arms across his chest and raising an eyebrow. Shuuzo knows that look. He knows that determination to win, no matter how one-sided a fight might be. "Between the two of us, _I'm_ the one who knows what it's like to be with Rom. I know what his kisses feel like. Do you even remember anymore, or has it been too long already? Do you still remember the way he holds me now? The way it feels when he touches his forehead to mine? The way he's always smiling when he pulls back from a kiss? How much of that have you forgotten? How much am I going to forget about the way things are now? Am I going to block it all out because it hurts too much, until I can't remember any of it, even if I wanted to?"

Shuuzo sucks in a shaky breath. "Stop."

"You did this," Shuu snaps. "Deal with it."

Shuuzo takes a step backwards, but Shuu isn't done with him yet. Shuu follows him, grabbing him by the lapels of his coat, shaking him hard.

"Why?" Shuu demands. "Why didn't he matter enough for you to stay? Why wasn't he enough for you?"

"It's not about him," Shuuzo replies, prying Shuu's hands off him. "You're going to have to learn that, and I know it's not going to be easy. He's holding you back. He doesn't know it, but it's true. Telling him isn't going to change anything. You have the talent to get to the very top, but talent isn't enough. You're not going to get anywhere just by _believing_ you will. Your dreams are just illusions. If you really want something, you need to be prepared to make sacrifices."

"Is that what Rom and the others amount to?" Shuu asks with disgust. " _Sacrifices_ to get you where you are now? Stepping stones to the top of MIDI City? You're a fucking sellout. Does the fame keep you warm at night? Does the money make you feel less empty?"

"Don't you dare," Shuuzo growls, shoving Shuu backwards. This time he's the one to grab Shuu by the lapels, bringing their faces together and scowling in a way that he hasn't allowed himself to in years. "I put up with enough speculation that I'm just a puppet for my label. I don't need it from _myself_. You know yourself better than that, Shuu. You know that you wouldn't do something unless you actually _liked_ it. I wouldn't have given up as much as I have if it wasn't going to be worth it. Yes, Trichronika is standing at the very top of MIDI City, but whose hard work do you think got us there?" 

"You're pop star trash," Shuu spits. "Just look at you. That outfit sparkles so much that it makes my eyes hurt just looking at it. Are you really telling me that you _enjoy_ that?"

"It's not what you're used to," Shuuzo allows. "It's a change. It takes some time."

"But it's popular, so you dealt with all of it," Shuu replies. "You fit yourself to a formula. For fame."

"No." Shuuzo sighs loudly. "My band makes people happy. We're flashy, but that's what people expect from us. If it means wearing uncomfortable outfits to fan meets and smiling until my cheeks hurt, then so be it. There's no formula for a popular song, and no script for a popular band. If my label wants me to sell dreams, it's not about whether I believe in them myself. It's about how I can make my fans believe, and how I can make them smile. I've already told you that it's about making sacrifices. You have to work hard for what you want, because there's no other way. If you want to make people think you're the best, you have to push yourself twice as hard and make it look effortless."

"It sounds completely fake to me."

Shuuzo laughs quietly. "I know. But I promise you that you're going to feel passionate enough about what you do that you're going to put the work in without even thinking about it. Not even the twins—my bandmates—know how much work goes into the band. I don't mind. I love the band. I love what we do." 

"Twins?" Shuu asks. "Where did you meet them?"

"Our label put us together."

"Manufactured," Shuu mutters.

Shuuzo chuckles. "They're good boys." 

"Kids." Shuu wrinkles his nose. "Really?"

"They're older than you are now," Shuuzo points out. "They both work hard, too. They're much better than you'll feel that you deserve, when you meet them."

"You're taking care of them, aren't you? What about you? Who takes care of you? Who takes care of Rom?"

Shuuzo smiles sadly, looking away. "He has another band. He takes good care of them. I'm sure they must take care of him in return, in their own way."

"Do you miss him?"

Taking a deep breath, Shuuzo meets his own eyes, sharp and critical as they watch him. He exhales slowly. "Yes. I try not to, and I'd never admit it to anyone else, but…"

"I love him," Shuu says softly. "So much that I don't even want to imagine a future without him in it. No matter what else happens."

Shuuzo squeezes his eyes shut. "I know. I remember."

"You're telling me that I can't change my future." Shuu gestures at Shuuzo. "This is how it's going to go."

"I can't say that for sure," Shuuzo says carefully. "But I do know that I made my choice knowing full well what the consequences would be. I chose this path regardless. I don't know if you would choose differently. I miss Rom. I miss the days Amatelast spent together, but I don't regret my decision. I feel that I would make it again, given the chance."

"I'm going to lose him," Shuu whispers, sounding a little broken. "Does he hate you for what you did?"

Shuuzo doesn't reply immediately, but it's enough of an answer for Shuu, whose face falls. He curls in on himself a little, and it hurts to watch. 

"I'm sorry," Shuuzo murmurs, pulling Shuu into his arms, rocking gently from side to side. "I hurt him a lot. I hurt everyone, including myself." 

"What do I do?" Shuu asks. "If he's going to end up hating me, is there anything I can even do about it?"

"Let him be angry," Shuuzo replies. "Be patient. It will take a lot longer than you're used to, but one day, you'll be able to talk again. Enjoy the time you have while you still have it. Appreciate him. Don't let yourself forget this, the way I did. Kiss him for me."

"Kiss him?" Shuu asks.

"Like he means the world to you," Shuuzo murmurs. "Because he does. Kiss him and memorise the way it feels. Kiss him like…"

Shuu leans forward, pressing their lips together. Shuuzo makes a soft noise of surprise, but doesn't pull away. Instead, he kisses Shuu the way he would kiss Rom, if he could. He holds Shuu's face in both hands and bites down gently on his lower lip, just the way Rom likes.

"You're out of practice," Shuu tells him, even though he's panting as he pulls away. "I'll kiss him better than that."

Shuuzo laughs, shaking his head. "Go ahead."

"When you go back to your own time," Shuu says, "is there anything you can do, to fix things with Rom? I know him. You know him. I doubt that he's given up on you."

"It's… complicated," Shuuzo sighs.

"But not impossible." Shuu raises an eyebrow. "You haven't stopped caring about him. You might have tried, but you can't. Doesn't that tell you enough?"

"I miss that determination," Shuuzo smiles.

"Your band is in the number one position," Shuu points out. "I don't think your determination has gone anywhere. You're letting people think that you're selfish, but doing things for your band is different from doing things for yourself."

"It's not as easy as you make it sound," Shuuzo sighs. "Some things just don't work that way. We're ambitious. We love Rom. Sometimes, you have to pick which one is more important."

"I refuse," Shuu replies. "I'm too greedy to settle for just one. So are you. Maybe it didn't work with him as a bandmate, but that's not the only way."

"Perhaps," Shuuzo concedes with a nod.

"Anyway," Shuu snorts. "I'm the younger one out of us. How come I'm the one giving advice? That's not very promising for my future, is it? At least tell me who wins this battle of the bands."

"Ask me questions you don't already know the answer to," Shuuzo laughs. "Look at your band. The answer is obvious."

"I don't know what else I want to know," Shuu admits. "It feels like you've already told me enough."

"Enjoy the time you have," Shuuzo says seriously. "With the entire band. With Rom. Enjoy all of it while you can."

"And you," Shuu replies. "Get to work when you return to your own timeline. Not for my sake, but yours. Don't screw it up again. Not when you already know how it feels to lose him once."

Shuuzo reaches out, ruffling Shuu's hair with a grin. "You'll look good as a blond, I can tell you that much."

"Yeah, you _would_ have a thing for blonds," Shuu mutters, batting Shuuzo's hand away. "Good luck, okay? I mean it."

"Good luck to you, too," Shuuzo replies. "I know you'll be fine. As in, I actually _do_ know."

"Shuu?" Rom's voice calls out, and they both freeze up. "Are you still here?"

"Go," Shuu whispers, pushing Shuuzo towards the rift again before raising his voice to reply. "Yeah, I am. Just seeing if we can tweak this song to make it even better."

Shuuzo is already pulling the edges of the rift open when he hears Rom laugh, soft and fond, and it makes his fingers falter for a moment.

"Take care," he says, glancing over his shoulder to Shuu. "Of yourself, and him too."

"You too," Shuu replies, giving him a small smile. "I believe in us."

Shuuzo pulls himself through the rift just as Rom opens the door to the practice studio. The rift begins sealing itself up, but Shuuzo can still see through the gaps. 

"Were you talking to someone?" Rom asks, his arms going around Shuu's waist as soon as they're close enough to touch.

"Just talking to myself," Shuu replies, holding onto Rom in return. Shuuzo can tell that it's a tighter grip than normal. "Hey. Rom. No matter how we do in the battle of the bands, or anything else, I love you. Okay?"

With a grin, Rom touches their foreheads together. "Are you feeling alright? Of course I know that."

The last thing Shuuzo sees before the rift closes up entirely is Rom pulling his younger self into a deep kiss. He shuts his eyes, as if he can preserve the image if he doesn't look at anything else. 

Shuuzo takes a deep breath, then lets it out and opens his eyes. His guitar is sitting right where he left it, the clock arms no longer moving. MIDI City and the rest of the world beyond continues on as always.

He knows what he has to do. It might not be easy, or immediate, but Shuuzo knows that it will be worth it.

Leaving his apartment, Shuuzo makes his way to the BRR building.

To Rom.


End file.
